When will they hear me?

From a little girl, I remember feeling lost – like people wouldn’t hear me or see me. And then when my dad left as a teenager, a whole big world of chaos erupted. I wasn’t seen, I was abandoned by both my parents in different ways. I wondered often, why does this hurt so much and when will someone come help me.

I wanted someone to hear my pain, to see me and see that the situation I was living in was hurting me. I was depressed, I already had no idea who I was and felt totally alone. As time passed, there was this deep rock in my gut, that felt like it was just holding me down. I wanted to scream, yell, run and make as noise as possible. Alcohol helped me do that. I could be loud, I could scream, yell, run, push the boundaries and I didn’t care as much. It was easy to behave like that, when I drank, everything went out the window.

In sobriety though, I suddenly cared more, in a different way what I looked like to others. I didn’t want to sound dumb, ask the stupid question or worse – sound like the victim. I was a victim though, I lived in victim and that was how I received the attention I thought I wanted.

I learned to find my voice though. I had to show up at first, keeping a low profile, not allowing anyone to get too close – cause remember, those abandonment issues. I always thought, what if you decided you didn’t like what you saw and would leave me. That was the story I had told myself, everyone leaves anyway.

Then I learned to start speaking up. I started to find my voice, I started to understand who I was and what I wanted. I craved more from my life. I always had this view of life, that I thought was different than everyone else. I still believed in magic, beauty, big dreams. When I wasn’t getting what I knew at the depths of my soul I wanted, I went looking and searching. I wasn’t willing to give up. I found the women who were living the kind of life I wanted.

They looked free. They were laughing. They were sharing from their hearts. They had these bonds with other women that I desperately wanted. They were willing to be messy and still living a full life. They were real.

They saw me. They heard me. And I saw them and heard them. I started to feel the freedom I was searching for.

I no longer felt invisible. I had felt invisible for so long. And they taught me that the person I was truly seeking to be heard and seen from….was myself.

They taught me to love me. To see me. TO hear me and to TRUST me.

Many of you are walking around with a burning desire in your gut, wanting more, knowing that you are not experiencing the breakthroughs that everyone else seems to be getting. You’re looking to other people, places and things for your magic key. The key that seems will unlock everything.

Keep going. Keep moving forward until you find the ones who will see you. That will hear you and teach you, that you are who you are waiting for. Put yourself in the rooms/spaces that the women are. The women who have what you want, get in the circle with them. You deserve to be there just as much as you do. Get intentional about who you are learning from, who you are spending your time with.

I know how important this is. I know what it’s like to feel alone, lost, like nobody really gets it. I promise, if you keep seeking, you will be provided for. I know the importance of being in that space and it is exactly what I’m creating. A space for the women just like you and me who are screaming on the inside, ready to raise their hands and say SEE ME out loud.

The space is coming for you to be Freed.

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